The Good News About Pork

After years of criticism
and frequent episodes of outright hostility,
some members of various religious communities
seem to be turning over a new leaf.

No longer considered to be the scourge of the religious right
Thinking people all across the globe
are pounding upon their tables,
lifting their knives and forks to their mouths,
and pledging a new type of religious reform.
Such narrow-minded bigotry will no longer be tolerated
After all, what is the difference between
cows, chickens, horses and pigs?
And at the risk of offending some of my friends
who are tigers, alligators, turtles, porpoises and deer
I say enough is enough!

Besides, what kind of person would discriminate
against an animal who was born to have four tiny three-inch legs?
But when I think about it, somehow it comes as no surprise
Shallow people have been born to drown people
who might have had the urge to try to swim too deep

So before you begin to swallow your courage,
pack up your bags and abandon your gumption
I would suggest that you begin to hold out
just a wee bit longer
Because any optimistic person will surely see
that it can’t be all that bad
Certainly every Tom, Dick and Harry
is surrounded by a Gorgeous George, Happy Harold
or Bartholomew James

Thus, there is no need to become trapped
in a labyrinth of subterfuge
Because enlightened perspectives could be available
to those who choose to keep an open mind
So maybe the first step is to rid yourself of any preconceptions
when it comes to animal meat
This may not be so difficult as it is arguable
that we are all really fine young cannibals at heart
And it is widely known that the differences in quality and grade
may often be quite indistinguishable when both nostrils
have been pinched from the outside just below the bridge

But beyond all of this conjecture I would venture to say
that the issue is merely a matter of principle
The tastiness of pork must be pushed to the forefront
And in the end it must be the ultimate measure of culinary fortitude
Any effort to engage in spiteful rhetoric is clearly
the vestige of an arcane and underdeveloped system of thought
When equal opportunity exists the best of the pigs
will cross hurdles that they have never done before
So there is no reason for other creatures to offer their patronizing
words of advice.
Because we are quite confident that the pigs can make it
on their own.
And for this we are quite thankful, nonetheless!

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